Maybe you read about my obsession with La Merteuil, you know my way of dealing with things, is internal, personal and that only a few people are allowed in. Well that’s how I am, or that’s how I was.
I could find some lame excuses to the dimension to which I like to be discreet about my feelings, but I don’t really think it would be of any relevance to the article to tell the story of my how insignificant existence. The thing to keep in mind is, all my life I have made a point of being strong, of hiding what I thought, felt or what I was really about. As far as I can remember, being a horseback rider, I’ve always made it an applicable rule for my life “If the horse can feel your fear, it will take advantage of it”, and how hard can it be to deal with a 150 lbs human when I was able to get what I wanted from a 1000 lbs horse.
I didn’t think it made me better, I just knew I could handle a lot. It’s not even something I was thinking about. Before, one day it just stopped.
Maybe it was out of the accumulation of years of just taking everything too lightly. Who knows? Who cares? All I knew is, I was depressed. For more than 2 weeks, which is for longer than I would have ever thought I could be. And by depressed, I mean no joy whatsoever of any activity, not wanting to go out, not wanting to see friends, being tired all the time and a mountain of guilt and self-hatred.
That was a choc, I couldn’t hide it anyway and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. Above all, I didn’t understand where that feeling was coming from. No matter how hard I was trying to fight it, it was, indeed, the first time it was stronger than me.
After going through therapy I made the mistake of considering it a closed case. But I realized it was going to be a constant fight for a little while, it takes time to go back to your balance once an invisible hand played bowling with it.
The importance of recognizing malaise.
I’m not my shrink, as long as no one tells me I have/had/will have depression, I wouldn’t use this word. I don’t think the word choice here is important, whatever that was, what helped me is that when I was minimizing it, no one around me did. My family, my friends were there at every step of the way and it made it easier to go through it.
And that got me thinking about all the people I had looked down on for feeling bad and not being able to face their demons anymore. Easy right? From my “I’m a boss ass bitch, nothing touches me” tower, all those fake problems were nothing. Had this person looked up the news recently? Seen the real misery of the world? Who did she think she was?
I have been a straight shrew. And I know a lot of people all around the world have been too. It is what it is, but it’s time for a change and to emphasize the importance of taking care of those issues.
Bipolar, Depression, anxiety, mood, eating, psychotic, disorders, PTSD, are a thing and unfortunately more common than we like to think.
Those diseases are nothing benign. Mental illness touches 61,500,000 people per year and some 800,000 people commit suicide every year in the US according to the National Institute of Mental Health. The problem is concrete and requires our full attention. There will always be people to makes us doubt of the legitimacy of the problem, advocating that it is just an excuse for some, to attract attention, pity or just not work on something, get money…
OK, well maybe in those 61,500,000 people there is 0,001% who went through the nest and are really not that affected. But what does it cost us, even if some are faking or are hypochondriac, to give them the care they need? Just in case.
As human beings, we consider ourselves superior to animals for our ability to feel and to show empathy. We don’t behave like animals. Do we really though? Weak ones, whatever that means, are still less considered for less than those who have money, who are “stable” on the outside, who don’t show their weakness. When really showing a weakness in a society that is governed by the law of the laws of the jungle, is actually pretty courageous, but I digress.
Humans deserve better humans. It doesn’t cost anything to care, it can cost a life not to. We have long established that it’s not realistic to function in all on our very own, it only takes a text sometimes, but it’s the best 30 seconds gift you can make. Unlike my brother, but once again I digress!
You can find information about mental illness here: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/index.shtml and use it for the good.
Sources: http://www.atlantico.fr/atlantico-light/lady-gaga-til-it-happens-you-clip-choc-pour-denoncer-viol-2343632.html
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